If you’re like me, you have friends, and then you have “Friends”. I like to think about “Friends” as my key friends in capital letters. Sorting out real “Friends” from those who really are just acquaintances is a lifelong pursuit. How we manage and consider that pursuit can spell the difference between a balanced lifestyle and a harried one. I think this is one of those life truths that spans any profession, including nursing.
Over the years, I’ve developed a few criteria for building my circle of support which sustains me through the stress and temporary imbalance that we call living and working.
Anyone who tells you that he/she is always in balance is lying, so some specific criteria can help in getting us back to a healthy well-being. Nurses, in particular, face unrelenting stress on the job, so it’s important to be thoughtful about the friends you have and which ones are truly “Friends”.
What works for me is being thoughtful about my work/life balance and that includes the “Friends” I choose. My capital letter “Friends” versus my lower case friends are distinguished by the following:
FIRST, is this a person who tends to show up to support and to listen to me without evaluating me? This is a person who doesn’t launch into a didactic “You should have done it this way” speech; instead, a “Friend” who supports you will help think through options and listen to concerns.
SECOND, is this a person who helps you relax, laugh, and have fun? Think back to your set of friends and determine who has the best sense of the absurd, who helps you see your issues with a new set of laughing eyes.
THIRD, is this a person who understands your values? I answer this question by who I trust to tell my deepest longings and disappointments. I am able to show vulnerability to my “Friends”.
FOURTH, do my “Friends” represent a variety of interests and areas of my personal and professional life? When I began my career, most of my friends were in the same profession as I was. Finally, at mid-career, I realized that when we were together for what we thought was leisure time, “shop talk” dominated. If we spend all our working and leisure hours with the same focus, we get stuck in the rut of same old, same old topics.
I encourage you to build your circle of support from a variety of sources. I’ve learned to do that and finally have a rich source of support from people in different professions and walks of life.
Rarely am I able to find a “Friend” who meets all these criteria, but I do find it useful to have at least one person, for example, who will get me laughing from my close circle of support, one friend who really is a good listener and so on. The blend of perspectives helps me keep my perspective even when the professional and family stress increases.