Ahh, Valentine’s Day. Love is in the air… But wait! I’m a nurse and I find myself falling in love with a patient. What do I do? Is this considered an occupational hazard? Is it even allowed?
From a practical angle, both you and the patient are human, so shouldn’t you be allowed to have an adult relationship with whomever you wish? We will examine this question from two perspectives and let you decide.
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Let’s talk ethics:
The National Council of State Boards of Nursing (NCSBN) – the guiding agency for all State Boards of Nursing – has this outlook:
“The nurse should avoid situations where he or she has a personal relationship with the patient.” (ncsbn.org, 2011)
What if it is a “former” patient? Apply and evaluate:
– “What is the length of time between the nurse-patient relationship and dating?”
– “What kind of therapy did the patient receive? Assisting a patient with a short-term problem, such as a broken limb, is different than providing long-term care for a chronic condition.”
– “Will the patient need therapy in the future?”
– “Is there risk to the patient?” (ncsbn.org, 2011)
After considering that, ponder this:
“Does the patient’s consent make a sexual relationship acceptable?
If the patient consents, and even if the patient initiates the sexual conduct, a sexual relationship is still considered sexual misconduct for a health care professional. It is an abuse of the nurse-patient relationship that puts the nurse’s needs first. It is always the responsibility of a health care professional to establish appropriate boundaries with present and former patients.” (ncsbn.org, 2011)
Now onto human reality:
You may recognize James Costello, who was in one of the first photos that appeared from the Boston Marathon bombing on April 15, 2013. You may not be familiar with what happened next: Costello getting engaged to his nurse, Krista D’Agostino. She is a travel nurse who cared for Costello for six weeks at a rehabilitation hospital following the bombing.
Costello recently posted on Facebook, “I now realize why I was involved in the tragedy. It was to meet my best friend, and love of my life.” (today.com, 2013) What drew D’Agostino to Costello? Simply put: “That smile.” (today.com, 2013)
Meanwhile, you might have heard of the movie, While You Were Sleeping (it’s actually my favorite!). In this film, the main character falls in love with a comatose stranger. And I’ve actually heard of a real-life nurse/patient love story in a similar vein.
Brianna Lytle first met her husband Nate when he was in a coma. At the time she was not his nurse, but after hearing about his accident felt a pull to visit him. Although she admits the first lesson learned as a new nurse was “how to care but not become involved with my patients” (gulfnews.com, 2013), she could not help thinking about and continuing to visit Nate.
He eventually came into Brianna’s unit from the ICU. She became his nurse and her feelings grew stronger. One day, he opened his eyes and subsequently would stare at her whenever she entered the room. She would provide him words of reassurance, encouragement and hope. After his release from the hospital, Brianna continued to track Nate’s progress through mutual friends.
She decided to meet Nate two months after his discharge at a large public benefit. The next day, the mutual friends invited her to dinner with Nate. When he greeted her he said, “That’s you, the girl with the teeth and eyes. I thought you were an angel. You are, but you’re real!” (gulfnews.com, 2013) They were married a month after his proposal.
Final food for thought:
“I fell in love with a patient nearly five years ago. I quit my practice nine months ago and surrendered my license four months ago. Don’t ever fall in love with a patient.”
As they say on Fox News, “We Report, You Decide.” Do you think nurses should enter a relationship with a former patient?